The Wanted Alpha

Chapter 16 - Stay

Ethan

"...Stay," I whispered against her lips.

As our skin brushed against each other, the sparks from the mate bond tingled across my very soul. I had never experienced a kiss like it and I had barely touched her. She pressed forward and I eagerly reciprocated, deepening the kiss. I didn't want to push her too far, I didn't know how comfortable April was with any of this. Even though I wanted to taste more of her, I pulled away before we could become too heated. I looked into her gorgeous pale blue eyes, admiring the subtle dark silver ring that formed around her iris. Whatever I thought I had with Maria didn't compare with this woman. The time I had spent with April hadn't even amounted to a whole day and she already held my heart entirely.

"Ok," she breathed out. "But...I don't know how to be in a pack. I don't know what to do," she said with her brows furrowed.

"That's ok, you're not on your own anymore, in any of this. You've got me," I spoke as I ran my thumb on her bottom lip. "And you've got my pack. I know it's hard, after being on your own, being afraid to trust someone again...trust me I know how that one feels. But we got each other, through all of this."

She smiled and nodded. She had been open and honest with me and now it was my turn.

"Can I ask about your first mate? I'm not bothered by it if that's what you're worried about or if it's too painful to ta…" I silenced her with a gentle kiss.

'I want to tell you,' I mind-linked her.

I pulled away from our kiss, gently stroking her cheek. "You might not like what I have to say, but I'll be honest."

"Her name was Maria, Maria Rowe, she was a rogue. She wasn't my fated mate, we took each other as a chosen mate...at least I thought we did. She used me, she manipulated me. She broke me and I never felt the same after...until I saw you. When you grabbed my arm and I felt the sparks of the mate bond again, only stronger, it brought everything she did back. It was like I couldn't even see you."

April nodded, there was a flicker of realisation that crossed her face as though everything clicked into place.

"That's why you…" she trailed off.

"Yeah...not my proudest moment," I felt a little sheepish at the memory of our first meeting.

"I've always been a little screwed up, my mom died in childbirth and I always felt like it was my fault," I dug into my pocket for my wallet and took out a small photo, handing it to my mate.

"That's my dad, Davyn, and my mom, Annis," unfortunately, there wasn't one of the three of us. I looked a lot like my father, except I had the dark eyes and hair of my mother.

"He was a good dad and Alpha. He did his best, but he was always a little cold and distant. Feeling the mate bond break, no matter how it happens, it's like having your heart ripped out. It was worse for him because they were fated. Seeing how the mate bond affected him after my mom's death, it made me hesitant about a fated mate myself." 

I looked to April. There was no hurt or disapproval in her eyes, just understanding and warmth.

"I met her when I was 22, we were the same age. She stumbled on our territory needing help, with a silver wound, claiming she had been attacked. I happened to be on patrol not far off so I took her in to the hospital to be treated. I hadn't been burned by a rogue then so I was a lot more trusting. I thought we had a lot in common, but I realise now she would just parrot it all back to make it seem that way. There were a lot of subtle red flags that I never picked up on, like she'd monopolised my time to separate me from my friends, get hysterically upset about things for no reason, she'd never apologise for anything. I never had any experience with women before her...she was kinda my first...in everything," I felt my face heat with talking about being with another woman to my mate.

When I was actually in my right state of mind, I wasn't one for sleeping around. Not that I cared that others did, it just wasn't for me.

"It's ok, I don't care about that...it's not as though I have much experience either," she didn't really meet my eyes and had similar pink cheeks that I'm sure I had. 

I wasn't surprised that she had never even kissed anyone and I wasn't about to lie and say I wasn't over the moon that I would be her first in everything. Wolves were incredibly territorial over their mates and as massively hypocritical of me as it was, I was secretly glad no man had ever touched her.

Clearing my throat I continued. "We were together a year before I asked her to be my chosen mate officially and we marked each other. The very next night she did it…"

~~~~

2 years ago

I was heading back to my dad's study with a bottle of champagne to celebrate Maria becoming my mate and future Luna of the pack. We had been without a Luna for over 20 years so this was definitely something for us to toast to. She had gone ahead of me to distract my dad while I grabbed the bottle to surprise him. I felt so lucky to have found someone like her, she was kind, sweet, that smile of hers still made my heart beat wild and even though she wasn't my fated mate I loved her so much. How could a fated bond feel more real than this connection we had? This connection that wasn't because we were forced to feel it, we had made this bond.

As I was about to enter the study I felt my familial bond with my father start to weaken. I threw the door open to see Maria removing a knife from his neck as blood covered her and his body slumped to the floor, our bond breaking.

"Took you fucking long enough," she smirked, a malicious smile taking over her once delicate features.

What the hell was happening? I felt myself rushing forward to my father's body to press my hands to his neck in a futile attempt to stem the blood, but he was already dead, I had felt the bond snap.

I looked up at her...I would have done anything for this woman, I thought she loved me, how could she?

"...Why?"

"Why?! That bastard killed my father and just left him to rot. I've been waiting 7 years for this. You were so fucking desperate, you let me straight in. I might have wanted to retch every time you fucked me, but it's worth it now," she spat, her eyes filled with hate and disgust.

"The fact I actually got you to mark me just puts the cherry on top," and with that she plunged the knife into her own neck.

I felt the pain of our bond shatter instantly, like my soul was set alight and my heart ripped out.

~~~~

"I don't really remember much of what happened after that, sometimes it's blurred, other times it hits me like a freight train…it's pretty shit being forced to mourn someone you want to hate because of the mate bond."

My therapist told me it was a form of PTSD, something that was fairly common after wolves lost their mates, but very few sought help for it afterwards. And after losing my father and my 'mate' in such a way had made me a special sort of crazy. 

April continued to hold my hand tightly, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "How could she be so cruel?"

I shrugged, "my dad really had killed her father. He was caught stealing on our land and killed 2 of our guards so he wasn't innocent, my dad's Beta and Gamma found it in the records."

"I don't remember it happening, but I left the pack for about a month. I was found wandering in my wolf form in New Mexico by Jude and Carrick. Apparently I cursed them out and tried to attack, but they managed to knock me out and bring me back home...I spent a while in a pretty dark place and I did some pretty bad things. I've really only been leading my pack properly for just over a year. If it weren't for Carrick, Jude and their dads, the pack would have fallen apart. They managed to knock some sense into me and get me to see someone. Spent the last year clean and sober, trying to be a decent Alpha that my dad would be proud of," I hadn't told April just how dark I had gotten, I'd have to ease her in slowly.

"Do you still feel guilty about it?" She asked quietly.

"A little. I have good days and bad days. I had quite a few bad days after you," I looked up to meet her eyes, I still felt ashamed of how I had treated her. "I should've never left you in that cell, not after what you've been through."

"You didn't know. I was a rogue that wouldn't give my name. I could have been a risk, you'd already been betrayed once. Ok, maybe you didn't handle it in the best way, but given what I know now, I understand. I think sometimes when we can't blame the real culprits, we blame ourselves, I know I did."

"Now you sound like my therapist," I laughed.

She returned my huge grin, "well, if it helps. Just so you know, I think you've got a pretty big heart and I think you're a good Alpha for it."

She leant forward and pressed her lips to mine. Her calling me a good leader made my heart swell with pride and I couldn't resist deepening our kiss. She followed my lead, swirling her tongue around my own. Her scent was driving me insane, like a meadow on a hot summer's day and I could feel my own arousal rising to meet hers. I pulled away before I did something she wasn't ready for, although her moan from my absence had me wanting her more.

"Maybe we should get some sleep, it's a 10 hour drive home tomorrow," I breathed against her skin, not wanting to separate yet.

"Let me grab some bedding and I'll sleep out here," I said, gesturing to the couch.

"Out here? You didn't want to sleep in the bedroom?" She asked, tilting her head to the side in question. 

Fuck, more than anything.

"I...didn't wanna presume you'd be ok for me to sleep in there with you," I wasn't exactly going to say 'hell, yeah' to her face.

She stood up, pulling me by the hand into the bedroom. Holy shit, was this actually happening? 

"Do you have anything I could wear to sleep in?" She asked as we stood at the foot of the bed.

I quickly ripped through the bag for a t-shirt and handed it to her with more eagerness than I had intended. She slipped into the bathroom, before returning 10 minutes later for bed. 

Ok, this may have been a mistake. Seeing her in nothing but my t-shirt was making this room feel unnecessarily hot and my own clothing uncomfortable.

"Bathrooms free," she smiled at me innocently. Goddess, did she have any idea how sexy she was right now?

I headed straight in, splashing cold water on my face and swallowing the possessive growl Ezra wanted to release. This was going to be hard.

'It's not the only thing that's hard,' my wolf snickered.

'Not helping, pal,' I bit back at him.

I quickly brushed my teeth and put on a thin pair of shorts, now that I'd calmed down a little. Like most wolves, I preferred to sleep naked but that was definitely not happening around her right now. When I left the bathroom, April was already settled in the huge bed. Her eyes widened as she took in my form, gulping; it seemed I affected her just as much as she affected me. 

As I peeled the blanket down and was about to slide into bed next to her, she spoke up. "Uhh, what are you doing?" She tilted her head quizzically again.

"...Getting in bed?" It came out as more of a question than an answer.

"I said you could sleep in the room. I didn't say anything about sleeping in the bed with me," she threw the pillow at me which I caught. "You sleep on the floor."

I looked at her confused.

"Oh Mr. Alpha, you didn't think you were forgiven that easily did you?" She smiled sweetly at me.

I swallowed hard...was she teasing me this whole time?

Holy fuck.

Chapter 17 - The Wanted Alpha