The Wanted Alpha

Chapter 10 - Regret

Ethan

A few hours later I was still sat in my office with Jude, waiting to hear back from Carrick. I had barely registered my Beta's voice trying to get my attention. It wasn't until he slammed a file on the desk that it finally drew me out of my stewing. 

"So you are actually here then."

"Sorry, you were saying?" I asked, trying to cover up just how much I wasn't listening.

He snorted at me "smooth save. I was asking you about your assessment of the new recruits that passed the warrior qualifier 6 months ago? They're due their reviews and whether they're in or not."

"Oh...yeah."

That was actually something I had already done. The nine recruits that had been successful had all proven themselves and then some, they would all be accepted as official pack warriors. I had my eye on two particular recruits, fraternal twins, a male wolf and a she-wolf who had shown immense potential. Only three had failed the initial qualifier, they had been highly disappointed but I wasn't about to put them in harm's way just to keep them happy. 

I handed Jude the list, he looked over it nodding and placed it away in his folder. A knock sounded at my door and in walked Carrick, not waiting to be invited. He dropped to the armchair in front of my desk wearing a disquieted expression.

Shit! This wasn't good.

"How'd it go?...How was she?" I had a feeling I wouldn't like the answer but I needed to know regardless.

"In a word, skittish. I tried talking to her but she barely said anything. When I tried asking for her name she freaked out and told me, and you, to go fuck ourselves. She knew exactly what I was doing."

I sighed, leaning back in my chair feeling defeated.

"Did she at least eat?" I asked 

"That she did, ate the whole batch of stew I took. Got her showered and changed into clean clothes. Bryce is guarding her right now and he'll swap with Greer at 6am, they'll both have 12 hour shifts and they didn't really ask any questions on their new assignment either" he paused before continuing "she has some... bruising."

His words cut me like a knife. We wolves didn't bruise easily and now she had a visual reminder that I was some heartless brute that would just hurt her again. I could already feel the frown deepening on my face. 

Jude came round, placing his hand on my shoulder "Ethan, don't kick yourself more than you already have about all this. Try and get some sleep tonight, maybe give it a day or two and go to her, tell her everything, be honest."

I just nodded, not really knowing what else to do. I doubted I'd sleep a wink tonight, but I could at least try.

"Ok, I'm heading home. Oh, I dropped off her laundry downstairs, so we'll need to get them back off with her when they're done" Carrick said as he stood and moved to leave "see you guys later."

Jude left with him as we said our goodbyes, I returned to my desk to tidy away our files and shutdown my computer and tablet. I was about to turn into my bedroom when a thought occurred to me…her clothing was downstairs…maybe I could catch her scent on them. I still couldn't figure out how she had no smell at all on her. She could have used some scent cover, but that was pretty hard to get hold of and even the good stuff wouldn't have lasted this long. 

I hastened my steps down the stairs, heading to the laundry room and giving brief greetings to the few pack members that I passed so I didn't seem rude. When I entered I used my nose to find Carrick's faint scent from him carrying the bag, it was simply labeled 'prison'. I took out what looked like her top and already feeling a little embarrassed that what I was doing was nothing short of stalkerish, I inhaled deeply into trying to catch some form of a scent.

Nothing. How in the hell was this possible? Alpha females and some strong Betas could suppress their scent for a short duration, but not this long. Had she figured out a way?

Apart from the smells of the forest, there was nothing that sent my heart into overdrive...there was almost something floral that I quite liked, but that may just have been from her passing through a meadow somewhere, though I'm not sure what meadow would be blooming at this time of year. But that idea did conjure a beautiful image in my mind; my mate smiling with her fiery hair swirling around her waist, her arms out and her fingers delicately brushing against the tops of the grasses and flowers. If she ever did forgive me, maybe I could take her out to the meadows around our pack lands in spring. 

Sighing at my failure, I put the item of clothing back in the bag and headed back upstairs to go to bed. Once I had showered and ready to give sleeping an attempt, I climbed into my bed feeling for the first time how large and empty it truly felt. I really should get rid of this bed. During my darker period I had ashamedly slept around, a lot, I had selfishly used women to vent my own misery in order to feel something other than despair. If I was ever going to bring my mate in here I should rid this room of all my past indiscretions. That was something I would look at later.

Before I went to sleep, I realised I should really check-in with Bryce to make sure she was ok.

'Bryce? Everything ok with the she-wolf?' I asked, trying to hold back the eagerness in my voice.

'Yes Alpha, I think she's sleeping now. But I'm pretty sure I caught her crying earlier, I think she's scared, she wouldn't tell me anything though.'

'Ok, just monitor her.' 

'Of course, sir.'

She was crying...because of me...goddess, if I could permanently put my head in a fucking hole right now I would.

I seemed to stare at the ceiling for years waiting for my mind to switch off and to let me sleep.

~~~~

I felt myself walking down a familiar corridor with no other doors except the one in front of me, the door to my father's study. I knew something was off, something within my bonds tugged that uncertainty lay ahead behind that door. Turning the handle and opening the door...there she stood, covered in blood, a malicious smirk smeared on her face. That delicate and shy smile that once made my heart beat that little bit faster was gone. All that filled her features were pure hate and disgust. The dark blonde hair and chocolate brown eyes that I had come to love, now marred with the scarlet liquid. 

I saw the glint of metal in her hand and the body on the floor.

Why was she doing this? 

She told me she loved me.

She told me she wanted to be mine forever and I would be hers.

With a flash of the metal her body fell to the ground. I ran to her, only it wasn't blonde hair spread on the floor but a vibrant red and the knife wound replaced with bruising.

Maria's voice appeared behind me "I'll take every-fucking-thing you love, just like he took from me…"

~~~~

I woke with a violent thrash, almost falling out of bed. Sweat clung to my skin and breathing was still rapid and shallow. 

A deep breath in through the nose, hold it, release through the mouth. And repeat.

After a few repetitions and some water splashed in my face from the bathroom, I felt like I had regained some control of myself. I despised that dream and I hadn't had it in almost a year now, I had never had a variation such as this though. I leant my forehead against the cold surface of the mirror. I didn't need to be told why the change or why that damned dream had started up again.

I looked at the time, it was almost 6am. There was no point going back to sleep now, not that I would, I was far too on edge still. I hopped in the shower to wash the remnants of the dream off of my skin and got dressed, I would be leading training all of today... goddess it was going to be a long ass day.

'Alpha? Is this a good time for my report?' Bryce's voice sounded in my mind.

'Yes, anything happen? Is she alright? Is she awake?' fuck, rein it in Ethan.

I could already sense his slight confusion at my concern through the mind-link 'She's fine Alpha, still sleeping. I think she must have had a nightmare or something last night, wouldn't say anything about it but it looked pretty bad. And the bruising on her neck looks a little better. Beta Jude and Greer came to relieve me of duty a few minutes ago.'

'Ok, thanks for the hard work. I want a full report at the end of your next shift again.'

'Will do, Alpha.'

She had a nightmare too? I wondered what her's was about. Was I the monster in them? That thought had my heart twist painfully. I didn't have time to wallow in self pity right now, I needed to go eat and train my warriors. 

After breakfast and eating by myself, I linked Jude on the way who would be running training with me.

'You still with her?'

'Just about to leave. She was still asleep, I took her more clothes.'

'Good, make sure Greer doesn't wake her. I want her to rest as much as she wants' all the shit she's been dealt with over the last 24 hours, she deserves it.

I arrived at the training field just a few seconds ahead of my Beta, giving each other a brief nod of acknowledgement. How was I supposed to act now? Goddess, I felt so awkward. Just get through this, then grow a pair and go face her.

I had never had to will my focus like I had today, it was almost 6pm now and I was about done with training. I congratulated my last class of warriors on their efforts today. Jude had already left a couple of hours ago to go meet up with some guy he'd been seeing casually for the last week. He never really messed around much, just on the odd occasion when he wanted to blow off some steam. While I had been training, Greer had mind-linked me to let me know the girl had woken up at 1pm, had eaten the breakfast that Carrick had brought over and that he wanted to give me his report personally after his shift. I doubted that this would be good and set me on edge all afternoon. I was meeting him in my office and unfortunately I didn't have time to change, so I just headed straight there. Greer was already stood outside waiting for me.

"Hope I've not kept you waiting long."

"Nope, just got here myself Alpha."

I led us into the room and he shut the door behind him, making our way over to my desk.

"So? How'd it go today?" I asked, trying to keep the anxiety out of my voice.

"Mixed. She did seem to like being outside in the rec yard though" was all he said.

As if reading my expression to continue, he said something I wasn't expecting "she's your mate, isn't she?"

My eyes widened slightly, before I could rein in my features. Fuck, there was no point in lying now.

"...yes."

"She wouldn't confirm anything, but now I know why she got all sad when I talked about my mate" so that's why I had a feeling of despair earlier on "and why she kinda got a little mad, when I mentioned you wanted her protected." 

"Alpha, who gave her those bruises?"

It was a statement posed as a question, he knew. And I'm sure the shame written all over my face was enough of a confirmation. I could feel the condemnation and reproach in his gaze as he looked at me. 

I looked away, focusing my eyes on the window to my left "anything else?"

He sighed "I may have said something dumb, I didn't realise the two of you hadn't spoken. I...I said something about your dad and your 1st mate's death."

My eyes snapped back to him, he said what?!

I could feel my rage spike and my aura pulsed, reflecting it.

"Why the fuck would you tell her that?!" I yelled, practically shaking the room with my voice.

Greer paled in front of me, automatically baring his neck in submission. I took a few deep breaths to calm myself again.

"Goddess, you're as bad as Carrick for blurting…just get out" I said coldly. This situation I'd put myself in was already a flaming bag of shit and now, that bag had just been hurled into a fan.

He got up without a word and turned to leave but paused by the door.

"I don't know what happened 2 years ago, Carrick certainly never said. But whatever it was, if you keep letting it control you like that, it's going to destroy any future you might have with her. And just so you know Alpha, she'll make a great Luna to this pack. She kinda gave me an idea, about possibly teaching first aid to the other warriors, to make us more efficient. You would be fucking lucky to have a woman like her by your side" and with that he slammed the door behind him.

I sat in my chair staring after him at the closed door, digesting his words. How the hell was I going to face her now that she knew about Maria?

Chapter 11 - The Wanted Alpha